Weird things that fall out of my head and into words
“Whoever gives my eulogy, please mention that I regret going through that awkward Terrence Trent Darby phase.”
“Rules you should never, ever confuse. Burying people at the beach: Fun. Burying people in the woods: Business.”
“In case folks wanted to know, Lance Bass is both my favorite member of "n'Sync" and what I'm going to be doing with this new fish spear I received from REI for my birthday”
FICTIONAL FUN FACT FRIDAY: In the 1950's eyesight across America was so poor, gangs had to snap fingers before breaking out into fights to protect innocent bystanders. This true fictional fact was captured beautifully in West Side Story.
“If I had one wish, just one wish, I’d wish I could make the Daily Double sound from JEOPARDY play every time I made eye contact with someone.”
“FICTIONAL FUN FACT FRIDAY: Since 1977, over 83% of guys who purchased Camaro’s were named Rick.”
“Great news everyone!! I took a hot yoga class and in just 6 short weeks I lost over 30 pounds of dignity.”
“If you're that person who says, "happy weekend eve" every Thursday, there's a great chance your dating life sucks.”
“Fictional Fun Fact Friday®: Between 1977-1983, the average American spent 9.25 hours a month draining and refilling their waterbed.”
“Instead of throwing out expired milk, I simply write "with pulp" on it and put it back in the fridge. And to think I'm still married. My wife is a saint.”