Christmas is 353 days away, time to put parental control on QVC at my parent’s house.

A “Never Moon A Werewolf” t-shirt. Electric candles designed by Disney Imagineers. “Farticus” Desk Calendars. Metal ice walkers that strap to the bottom of your wingtip shoes for walking in the city. I tried this for shits and giggles and with every step I took came a shower of sparks, not to mention I managed to pick up tons of trash along Michigan Avenue.

QVC is out of control and so is my mother. I love her to death but something needs to be done. Perhaps a hobby that doesn’t include a TV set and a cast of overexcited 50-year old’s selling shit that will end up in a garage sale in less than 9 months. But how do you break it to her? How do you tell the woman who gave birth to you that her random gifts never leave their box. “Sorry mom, I’m not allowed to wear hand woven Egyptian linen (55% spandex) shirts to meetings”. “I love the pewter garden shovel collection, but I’m allergic to pewter?”. Maybe I should just pay my journalist friend to mention in passing that QVC’s profits are proudly supporting Al-Qaeda.

Yes, of course, that would be too mea, but then again so are night vision solar powered goggles with built-in cameras. I love you Mom!!!

Never Moon A Werewolf (a.k.a – what to wear when your goal is to lose all your friends)